My Xanga had disappeared...but I resurrected it?  I'm busy studying for an anatomy test and CPR certification test all happening tomorrow morning...ugh why do I procrastinate?

A little update to my loyal fans..I got into my Nursing school program and will find out this week when I start exactly.  I'm very excited to start and worked hard to get where I am today.  I do have a bit more time this semester so no that I have Xanga working again, I will try and update more frequently.  Stay tuned!!

<33

This will be a personal post.  Recently I have been having problems, dealing with partly the medicine I am on and stress at school. 

Quick note:  By the way, for the people who are not frequent readers of my blogs, the medicine I am on is for a thyroid disorder. 

I was put on a higher dose and quickly it raised my metabolism which caused a lot of anxiety and sleepless nights.  I quickly realized this and dropped down to my original dose.  During this time of increased anxiety and tension, I have started to have racing thoughts and needed to get to the bottom of them.

Warning: Drama

A few months ago, I had a guy-friend stay with me in my dorm.  I told my boyfriend of this and he quickly got mad.  Absolutely nothing bad happened that night or any night for that matter.  The problem is I once thought I liked this friend, but never stopped loving my boyfriend.  I will have been with Chad, my boyfriend for 3 years on March 31st.  The point is we had a fight when all this happened a few months ago but it was later resolved.  I hadn't even talked or thought about my guy-friend since the incident which was about 5 months ago. Why did it all the sudden become a problem again?

At first I blamed the increased medicine because one of the side effects of overmedicating on this drug is increased anxiety(check)and emotional instability(check check).  I don't know how long it takes for the lowered dose to take effect but within a few days, I felt much better.  The problem is, today, I started to have the anxiety again and it was very troubling. 

I came up with many reasons as I searched my brain for any possible reason for this tension and frustration.  A few weeks ago I had written down anything and everything I had ever done, even before I met Chad and felt like this was sufficient.  So why wouldn't that be enough?  Then it hit me.  My boyfirend has always thought very highly of me and would consider me the best girlfriend.  He had me glued to a pedestal.  I felt like this was the first really "bad" thing I had done in our relationship.  I mean everyone is still going to have crushes while being in relationships.  The important thing is not to act on it.  And in all honesty, I think the only reason I "liked" him was because he was a good listener and someone I could talk to.  Kind of like a therapist/patient relationship.  You start to have feelings for the person who is helping you talk, listen and grow mentally and spirtually as a human. Plus, my parents loved him.  As opposed to my boyfirend, who they are not too fond of. 

I felt this guilt of being the one to hurt our relationship.  Chad has done things that I haven't been happy about but definately nothing like this so I felt like I was the "bad" one in the relationship.  I felt like I had hurt Chad in a deep way.  Of course, he forgave me but it hurts him more and more every time I've tried to talk to him about this. 

We'd argue but it just didn't seem to take the weight off my shoulders.  Then I started to think about it.  What is different now than a few months ago?  (Besides the change in medicine).  Well, that was last semester.  I had my good friend Trisha, who I basically hung out with every single day.  She no longer goes to school here and lives back at home.  Unfortunately, I did not make many friends last semester because I was always just hanging out with her and I didn't care.  Now, I have no one to hangout with and I'm left alone a lot with my thoughts.  Not having friends can cause much more stress than one can imagine.  I figured it would be okay because I would just hangout with my boyfriend, but he has a life too and I can't make him drop all his free time to hangout with me.  I need to make friends.  Something I haven't really done since grade school.  I always just had plenty of friends.  It was never really an issue.  But when you go away to college and have no friends to start with, you need to be outgoing and friendly.  I am shy in the beginning but quickly warm up to people.  The point is, How do you get over being shy and just start talking to people?  Anyone have any ideas? hehe.  Thanks for whoever reads this.  It helps to get this all written out.  I can hopefully start to feel better. 

<3 Sarah

You ever wonder why I'm the luckiest person in the entire world?

 

I'm being sarcastic of course.  But now I will pose the real question.  You ever notice how when you have a toothache, everything else takes second priority?  Yep, its been over a month now.  I had a root canal done on Monday and I am in immense pain at the moment.  I am going to have to get over to the dentist tomorrow because I cannot sleep and it is killing me.  I just want this pain to go away!  Thank you for reading this.  Go back to something more interesting now.

 

<3